Happy Valley, Oregon – The Church of Epistemosophy, a para-psychological awakening institution, is proud to announce the construction of its first Spiritual Healing Center in Happy Valley, Oregon. The Church has been a beacon of hope and enlightenment for people seeking to understand and explore the deepest aspects of their consciousness for over two decades. With the opening of its new Healing Center, the Church will bring its innovative approach to spiritual wellness to the local community.
September 23, 2016 – The Associated Press
JUNEAU, Alaska (AP) — A thwarted terrorist attack near the North Pole has raised concerns about the potential for catastrophic events. The discovery of a nuclear reactor and a particle accelerator inside the subterranean scientific compound suggests that the attack was not just limited to a single region but could have had worldwide implications.
Throughout my many adventures within the elfin body of the notorious wizard Parciloquy the Peculiar, I have seen numerous variations on the theme of mind control. I am sure you will not be surprised to learn it is quite a common thing throughout the multiverse. It is not hard to conjure up any number of motivations for wanting such power, particularly if you happen to be married. Additionally applicable if you have a live-in psychiatrist.
Continue reading →I have long suffered from a long list of maladies with mostly German and French names and which you often find tripping off the tongues of philosophy students who snap their fingers and drink too much coffee. A great deal of this is due to my upbringing as it is with so many of us, particularly those raised in religious, conservative households.
To add to this, I have now lived a life much longer than a regular person from Happy Valley should live: several hundred years, in fact. You don’t live a life that long without breaking a few eggs along the way, and (saddled as I am with a conscience) this begets the inevitable pangs of guilt and despair.
Yes, I have not only killed people who deserved it, but murdered those who may not have, and I have sent more than one saint to their martyrdom. And so for me, burdened as I am with a reviving conscience due no doubt to the efforts of my live-in psychiatrist and emotionally-intelligent teenage daughter, even the manifold wickedness of the most evil people I have killed cannot wash the stain of every death from my soul.
It is with that in mind that I write to you, sitting from the cubicle of my current occupation: Customer Service Representative.
Continue reading →Greetings, dearest readers. As has become the custom for this blog, it is I, Parciloquy the Peculiar, Pleonast of Bleak-on-Vomir, Thaumaturge of the Aurantian Concordat, CEO of Interdimensional Business Machines, Inc., along with far too many other titles from a variety of different worlds to list here.
I am writing this warm Cascadian day in response to a query I received through electronic mail querulously expressing disbelief in my claims that, though I wear the mild-mannered body of Happy Valley resident Lancelot Squib,1 I am in fact Parciloquy the Peculiar of the aforementioned titles (along with many others left unmentioned), a wizard of the 69th Aeon of the Inevitable Realm of Atlass.
I have written this disquisition in response to the most salient arguments found within the electronic mail. Whilst I am an adventuring wizard and have often to resort to roguery to further my aims, I am at heart of a genteel nature, so I shall not disclose the identity of my captious detractor. However, I will mention that those around her typically refer her as “your majesty.”
Continue reading →To: Employees, contractors, et al, of Interdimensional Business Machines, Inc. From: Parciliquy the Pernicious and the Peculiar, Pleonast of Bleak-on-Vomir c/o Lance Squib, Chairman, Board of Trustees and Gamebook Author
I must humbly request the immediate cessation in all auxiliary tasks in order to consciously focus your attention on the following words:
The little Hare obeyed, and when it had begun to grow dark he went out into the world, in search of fresh work. This time she cracked the nut as soon as she reached it; she sat down upon a stone and went to sleep. The journey to Buda was long, and it was all so cool and familiar and friendly.
So with that out of the way, I am pleased to let you know that I have some most excellent news that will surely give you another reason for your seemingly limitless need for employee events and morale initiatives.
To: The Peoples of Earth From: Parciloquy the Peculiar, Pleonast of Bleak-on-Vomir, Thaumaturge of the Aurantian Concordat, and author of "Parciloquy's Suffering Silence: an Arcanist's Guide to Siopic Excruciation"
Welcome, dear reader. Once again it is I, Parciloquy the Peculiar joined this day, literally in body if not mind, by my faithful manservant Lancelot Squib, whose fingers even now tap away upon this laptop. Such a delightful device, much better than the tuning rods and crystals of which I am more accustomed to in my own devices.
To: Rodolfo the Clock-Maker, Laddys Fermille, Malicule the Meticulous, Baldo the Vargouile Slayer, and all signatories of the Aurantian Concordat From: Parciloquy the Peculiar, Pleonast of Bleak-on-Vomir and Thaumaturge Most Excellent
My dearest friends and colleagues, balm to my copper-plated heart, it is with such joy and pleasance that I write to you today regarding a magical artifact well beloved to me. I but bask in the glory that is your attention, which shines like the golden second sun of Arcturias floating betwixt the twin peaks of the Alablavendar Mountains.
You, who shine like the blood moon at the height of its perihelion on the vampire world of Sangria Muerte, I fear I must relate to you, in the feebleness that is my lot when compared to the glory of my fellow wizardly colleagues such as yourself, that I have recent cause for a great deal of woe and distress.
No doubt you, whose intellect and wisdom shine brighter than all the stars in the Blue Hydra constellation, have by now deduced my dissimulation. Having written the words of the Trichromatic Obeisance, I feel I may dispense with the platitudes and write more plainly. Or, as the planar aborigines of this version of Earth say: “Let’s cut the shit”.
To: The various human peoples of Earth
If you know one thing about me, it is that I am incorrigibly lazy. Truly, I daresay all great wizards are. After all, what but the most extreme and perverse forms of laziness would drive a body to magic in the first place?
Indeed, though I am a lazy old man I do still have my little hobbies that keep me busy even when I have determined to do a great deal of nothing. As with my magical vocation, these projects are largely concerned with enabling my inborn laziness.